so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
