so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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