she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
