; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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