Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
