fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....