My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.