I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi