Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.