just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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