Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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