Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
