Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she told me i tasted like america
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
