I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
