my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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