Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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