Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
