You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He felt like a one man threesome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
