his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
