I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
