not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
