four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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