you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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