I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
