my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Of course I have a pirate flag
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
