3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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