who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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