In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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