there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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