you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
