I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
