Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
