I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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