my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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