the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize