What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
