Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
