Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
