so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
