i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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