so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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