they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sex in a hospital.. check
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
