After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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