my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i was in the wii world.
you win again, gameday.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
