I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
