i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
