hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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