So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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