Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
