Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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