What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You may now shotgun with the bride
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
