Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
