You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
