if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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