I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
