Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
