You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
