I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
