My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm like, not good at living.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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