i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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