My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
