I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
