WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize