My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
