I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
