She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
