Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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