Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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