your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
