Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
