I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
