Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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