you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
