He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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