The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
