Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
its liver damage thursday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
