Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
