i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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