he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
